So…my father told this one when I was growing up….I have no idea why it involves Russians, but you could substitute anyone else with armies, I guess:
Q: Where do the Russians keep their armies?
A: In their sleevies!
What do you get when you eat beans and peanut butter?
A fart that gets stuck to the roof of your ass!
A man flashed three nuns
Two had a stroke.
The third didn’t even touch it.
From a women’s prison guard
Why should you never tell secrets on a farm?
Because the corn has ears, the potatoes have eyes and the beanstalk.
How is a man like a snowstorm?
You never know when he’s coming, how many inches you’ll get, or how long it will last.
Things goldfish will do…
Two goldfish were in their tank.
One turns to the other and says “You man the guns, I’ll drive.
Did you say “Tank”?
Two fish in a tank, one says to the other, “you drive, and I’ll man the turret.”
A lady has two female parrots. All they know how to do is say “Hello, we’re prostitutes.” The lady doesn’t know what to do about this, until one day she goes to a priest. She tells the priest about the problem. The priest says, “Bring them to my office, and I’ll have my two male parrots teach them how to pray. All my two parrots do is pray and read the bible.”
So the next day, the lady brings her parrots to the priest’s office, and puts them in the cage with the priest’s two parrots, who are praying. The two female parrots say, “Hi, we’re prostitutes.” And the male parrots say, “Thank God, our prayers have been answered!”
On musical birds from Music Fan
A man brought two canaries to his fiance. She asked him “How come the first canary is singing all the time and the other one is silent?”.
On artists and lightbulbs from Kathryn M.
Question: How many artists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
fashion by the numbers
q. What did the 0 say to the 8?
a. “Nice belt.”
JOKE BY SHELDON COOPER (BIG BANG THEORY)
A NEUTRON walks into a bar and asks, “How much for a drink?”.